Healing Heart

It’s been a while since I’ve written anything in this blog, or any blog for that matter. There’s just so much going on within that I couldn’t even get myself to write. Perhaps, I just wanted to honor my process, allow for things to settle and unfold.

The journey is never-ending, but I’m definitely getting the hang of it. I dove the depths, swam back up…and now I’m riding the wave. My life has turned almost 360 degrees. The reality I am in is probably the opposite of the reality I once created and had left behind.

Interestingly, as much as I’d like to scream, struggle, and run away (to the life I had, to the life of service to others and outer work)…this reality is something that I’ve also wished for. The relationship with my parents, especially my mother, is simply amazing. After all those years of arguing and fighting with her, I’ve found healing. Now, I see my parents as they are: people I love deeply, who love me deeply as well. My pain, my childhood pain has blocked this truth before. To come to this realization and see this truth now…priceless.

Many people struggle to heal their relationships with those they love, often too late to do anything about it. They continue to carry their burden for the rest of their lives; repeating patterns of mistrust, unworthiness, shame, and all the negativity that they have learned from their families of origin. I am fortunate to have found this peace and much-needed healing while my parents are alive, while I am alive. To release myself from karma and to release them as well. Most importantly, to experience their love and to share my love to them. As much as I can, as much as I am able.

I was equally fortunate to have found a deep, soul-evolving love with another. Though things did not work out, I will forever be grateful to him; this healing journey would not have transpired had I not met him. My love for him remains but it is not the kind of love that I once knew, it is not attached nor clinging. It is a spiritual love, a love that wishes for the other to be his highest self, and find his true self. The same love that now resides in me, the same love for self that lives within my heart –I wish only that for him.

This journey, my healing journey, is a journey that has opened, shattered and eventually strengthened my once closed and fearful heart. I have learned to love others…I have learned to love myself. I continue to learn to do so.

It’s not a one shot deal. Everyday I have the opportunity to cause conflict, to hate, to doubt or to be negative about others and about myself. Yet, everyday, I also have the chance to find peace, to love, to trust or to be positive about others and about myself. Everyday when I wake up, I get another chance, a new opportunity to choose how I am going to be and who I am going to be in this world. Everyday, I create my own reality. We all do.

Now, I know that I am where I need to be, although at times I’d like to be somewhere else. My heart longs to be somewhere else. Then I get reminded that my heart may long for others, may love others, but it is where it needs to be…within me.

Know thy Self. Love thy Self. To thine own Self be true.

Thank you dear Universe, thank you dear Angels and Ascended Masters for all your guidance.

Blessings of peace, love and light to everyone.